Just realised

That even in my own blog, i find it hard to talk about me.

Dear Bob

Huh, my bad.
There actually is something wrong with you...

you have ADHD, Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder.

Soz.

Dear Bob

Just want to say i hate you.
actually, thats not the right word..
I loathe you.

You somehow managed to you capture my bestfriends heart, you have her. And you know it, you show her off to your firends, brag about her. Take her for granted. Its not like shes cant do better... she gets attention where ever she goes, i mean for chrissake she has 19 year olds with money and cars begging her to be theirs. She can do so much better, i know you know that shes out of your league. I just dont get it...
If you love her so much, why treat her like shit?
If you think shes so perfect, why dont you talk to her?
If shes the only one you want, why dont you want to be her boyfriend?

Honesty, the day will come, when she looks at you, and see you for what you really are: Pathetic.

I guess i just don't belong

Why is it that i grow attached to the poeple that just don't care?
We used to be such good friends,
Now.. we're not.
and its not from lack of trying on my part.
See the words i'm empathising.
What happened to you, when did you get so involved in your own world that you just forgot about me, at least i always tried.
Why did you stop.
Am i not worth it?
Or is it that you simply don't care?

After Eleanor's accident, you said you wanted to get to know her better.. but now its to late. And you know what, its to late for me too, because i cant be bothered to try, and i know you sure as hell wont. You have your friends, and i have mine. I guess i just don't belong in your world.

At least, if you happen to read this, and guess that its you i'm talking about, you might be comforted in the fact that i wrote a kinda long post for you.

oh dear

You change when your around other poeple i.e boys.

I'm Sorry

I dont feel guilty about having fun, i dont feel sad everytime i remeber you and i dont write about you as often as others.
All i can do for you, is replace your flowers.



I just hope you will always get new flowers.

jdfshusdfioua sfk

Just, no.
Do you know how fustrating it is when your telling the truth, and your words just get twisted?

Then you ask me ' Dont you want me involved at all?'

Yeah.

But. You. Just. Dont. Get. It.

I just want you to know,

That even if i can't quite see your face, i'm still thinking about your smile.

I hate to say it,

but right now, i'm totally jealous of you.

Note to self..

I NEED TO LEARN TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT.

Lets just get one thing straight...

Having had a boyfriend or girlfriend does not make you anyl ess experienced.

Please, don't lie, when you heard 'shes never had a boyfriend' you thought fuck, no experience.

It means you have to try harder, be kinder, it means you have to lead to the relationship...
yeah right, dick head.
I've never had a boyfriend you think that makes me any less 'experienced' and you know the type of experiences i'm talking about. You think that means i've never been in love, never had someone in love with me?
Lets just get one thing straight, either way, experience, or no experience, your going to have to try fucking hard.
Because this girl, shes way out of your league.
And she might not know it,
But trust me,


Everyone else does.

♥

Sometimes i wish..

Poeple would try harder to stick out, rather than try so hard to fit in.

Thats why i like to escape.
Come back to see the others everyone overlooks, listen to them. Their ideas, beliefs, their whole attiutde. Its so different to what i'm used to, but its not home.

Eleanor Austin ♥

Today you got the word 'peng' said in church.

01:37

Todays the day.
Todays the day of Eleanor's Funeral.
Todays the day it really sinks in. I think?

My blog is relativly knew, but since Eleanor died i've raley gone to sleep before 02:00- in the morning that is.
So expect some midnight blogging, imaginary poeple who i'm talking to.
Its okay, i'll ask Sasha to follow me. Then i'll have at least one person reading my blogs. Maybe.
Anyway, today our friend Eleanor Austin gets buried.
What do you say to that.
I told my friend from out of school, she used her sympathetic vioce on me. it made me want to punch her.
i'm obviously insane. Shes my bestfriend btw.
i'm just angery.. all the time.
Maybe today i'll stop being angery, maybe today i'll accept that shes gone.

Some place that i just cant quite see...

I think that theres a place, a place i cant quite see, i think that your in that place, just out of reach..

Eleanor, i hope you know how many hearts you broke, including mine. I don't no how you broke my heart, i don't know why your death effected me so much, but it has.
Maybe its your friends, can you see them, can you see how brave they are? Molly, Alice.. do you watch them, because if you do, you could see why they'd break my heart. Have you ever seen such bravery, its amazing.
Or maybe its the fact that I walked home with you, so often, and i never bothered to get to know you properly. For 2 years, more i think, i would randomly walk home with you, and i took it for granted. I missed out on the chance to know you, really know you, and now your gone.
But most of all, i want to apologise.
Ellie, if you can see me from that place, if you can read my thoughts and hear my words, i want you to know one thing: i'm sorry.
I'm sorry i couldn't be bothered to wait for you, i'm sorry i didn't stop. If i had taken the time, to wait for you, to walk home with you, you might still be here today.
I dont believe in Fate, you were not destined to die.

Listen

Sometimes, your so involved with your own life, you never take the time to look at whats going on in other poples.
Even when their begging you to, you just turn away.

Why does no one ever bother looking, or listening to what poeple actually say..
'you ok'
'yeah, i'm fine'

No i'm not, make more of an effort please.

so stealing a quote that i read on a girls myspace long longg ago;
'when i say i'm fine, i just want someone to look at me, and say "tell the truth"..'